Mary Pierce

THIS WEEK AUNT BEEZER HELPS AN HEIR DEAL WITH “FAMILY LEFTOVERS”…

Dear Aunt Beezer,
I need help dealing with dead people’s leftovers. Family members die, leaving us to clean up their homes and lives. It’s overwhelming. Too much junk, so dusty and dirty, squabbling heirs, messy finances… What were they thinking? (Of course, my Stuff is fine!) It’s like peeling an onion—you take away one layer and there’s another underneath. Not a nice thing to do to one’s heirs. Yet it has to be done, taking weeks of precious time out of my life. It’s not just the logistics of paying debts and cleaning out stuff, but also the more basic human issues of excess materialism and complicated money matters. Help! Please!

Signed,

Weary Survivor

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Dear Survivor,

Do you feel at times like that poor little boy in Sixth Sense. “I see dead people’s stuff…”?

Death is like Christmas. We know it’s coming, but we leave everything until the last minute.

Forgive Aunt Beezer for being blunt: PEOPLE! PLEASE! CLEAN UP BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT!

As you’re sorting through, should a nostalgic feeling arise, as in, “Oh Aunt Sadie would have wanted us to keep this…” STOP. Late Aunt Sadie no longer gets a vote. Let it go.

Aunt Beezer has no magic wand to make the bad stuff disappear. Just let it be a lesson to you and yours as you battle through—don’t leave your own mess behind.

Now you have Aunt Beezer imagining her heirs plowing through all of her lovely possessions and important stuff. Oh dear. Aunt Beezer must run. Her closets are calling.

P.S. On a personal note, the good news for Aunt Beezer’s heirs: there will be nothing left to fight over. She and Uncle Geezer are spending every dime.

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AUNT BEEZER TACKLES THE TO-DO LIST for one stressed-out reader:

Dear Aunt Beezer,
I have a problem and I don’t know how to stop it. I feel guilty when I feel like I haven’t accomplished enough in a day. How do you give yourself permission to relax and do little or nothing once in a while? I retired three years ago. I stay active with friends, family, and social/service groups. But when I am home alone, all I see are things I should be doing. I think this may be from growing up as the oldest of seven children.  HELP!

Stressed to the Max

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Dear Max,

We all have so many things we “should” be doing. Well, Aunt Beezer asks, “WHO SAYS SO?” Usually it’s that little nag in our head whispering stuff like, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” and the like. Sometimes that little nag sounds like our perfectionistic parent, or some other misguided fool who made us feel we had to work hard to earn love. Balderdash!

God loved you before you were born. That means he loved you before you did or could do one blessed thing. Nothing we can do will make him love us more (or less, which is a great relief to Aunt Beezer!) And we’re designed to NEED rest. And Lord knows, girlfriend, you’ve already put in a couple of lifetimes’ worth of work! Give yourself a break. Lower your expectations. Breathe.

Breathe. Seriously. Take a deep breath right now. Close your eyes and take another one. And one more, just for good measure. (I told Uncle Geezer to take a deep breath the other day and he inhaled like, “GASP! GASP! GASP! GASP!” so tense I thought he’d pop his aorta. He’s gonna have to learn to breathe a little quieter if he plans to stick around.)

After you breathe, take a look at your “to do list” and figure out which things NOBODY needs to do (Oh please, EVERYBODY’S list has some of those!) and cross them off. Then find a few more than somebody else could be doing INSTEAD OF you and delegate those. The ones that are left? Well, do one or two, schedule the rest, and then take a break.

Finally write this out, stick it on the fridge and read it out loud every time you open that door (which could be often for Aunt Beezer, given the frequency of the hot flashes): “I HEREBY GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO DO LESS IN A DAY THAN I AM HUMANLY CAPABLE OF DOING!”

You can thank me later.

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Dear Aunt Beezer,

So, I think I want to learn to sew. I’m the kind of person who says God skipped the creative gene when making me but lately I’m feeling like I need a creative outlet. I’d love to be able to sew doll clothes for my daughter but, what if I try and I hate it and the clothes are terrible. What should I do?

Hanging By a Thread

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Dear Hanging,

Sewing? Uncle Geezer says Aunt Beezer should be a pro at that, since she’s always givin’ him the needle. (We think Uncle Geezer may need a creative outlet.)

But your question reminds us of the time we said to a friend, “What if we try this and we’re a total flop?” Our friend looked us in the eyeballs and said, “What if you succeed?”

Oh my, that gave Aunt Beezer pause. In fear, we focus on the negative, forgetting that maybe, just maybe, something good might come of trying.

As Aunt Beezer is learning, “Better to go down in flames than to wonder forever what might have been!” Isn’t THAT the lesson–rather than “play it safe unless you’re sure you can do it perfectly”–you want your daughter to learn?

So try it. Whatta ya got to lose, huh? You might have a gift you didn’t know you had. And if you hate it, there are all those nice people at the doll clothes factory making tiny little garments just for us! Win-Win!

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Got a problem? AUNT BEEZER has the answer!

Aunt Beezer has been around for years (exactly how many is nobody’s business, she says) offering advice–solicited or not–to friends and family, and now she’d LOVE to help YOU!

Send her your questions about life, love, family, friends, pets or projects–WHATEVER is on your mind, real or imagined.

Use “CONTACT MARY” with “DEAR AUNT BEEZER” in the subject line and I’ll be sure she gets it.  She’ll post the pithiest questions and her pithiest advice right here on the DEAR AUNT BEEZER page.

Whatever your problem, just ask Aunt Beezer…you’ll be glad you did!